Let’s stop using the word ‘normal’ to talk about women’s bodies. As a registered nurse and midwife, Frances Green has had a front-row seat to absolutely everything the female body can do. After 35 years of experience, she explains why there’s no such thing as ‘normal’.

One of the greatest joys of my role is explaining to women how truly extraordinary their bodies are, because we’re not always taught or brought up to believe it. There are still barriers to open discussion: some are societal, while others can be put down to the pressure and imagined competition that often leach into women’s relationships with each other.

Many of us never discuss with other women how the intimacies of our bodies work. After all, ‘What’s your vaginal discharge like?’ or ‘How heavy are your periods?’ are not popular starters for a chat over dinner.

Fortunately, this is changing. Younger generations tend to be more forthcoming with their friends and parents. The internet is a godsend for young women looking to understand their bodies, because growing up in the 1980s, aside from Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, we had nothing!

Despite the increased access to information, there are often surprising gaps in a patient’s knowledge. I recently had a 34-year-old say she had received a scan form to have her tubes and endometrium checked, but wondered why her uterus wasn’t on the list. ‘Oh darling,’ I thought, ‘your tubes are part of your uterus. The endometrium is its lining.’

Teaching people about why our bodies do what they do is central to my work in specialist gynaecology. Every single body is unique, and sometimes, the same experience can be unique each time. I’ve worked with women who have delivered three or four babies – each with a completely different labour experience. Another woman might have two very similar labours. Our periods are another example. They can be different every time and change with age too.

I notice a pressure among women to do what others are doing, which isn’t always best for them. There are lots of unhelpful messages about having to ‘take the pain’ during an IUD fitting, making the ‘right’ choices around birth and breastfeeding practices, and there is still pressure to be a certain size. We’ve got to remind ourselves that there’s no such thing as ‘normal’. There’s biology that explains everything.

Menopause is a time when many of us have to adjust our expectations of our bodies. If people are concerned about weight gain around the middle, I remind them that their body is gaining adipose tissue around the major organs to protect them. Someone might be avoiding the gym and feeling guilty about it, but perhaps it’s because of the intolerable joint pain that comes with menopause for some people? Your sex drive might have dropped through the floor, and you think it’s all over – this might be hormonal. And for the record, I know women who are in their eighties and having wonderful sex. There are solutions.

There is absolutely no judgement at a gynaecology practice. If an examination feels weird or uncomfortable to you, remember that we are essentially ‘fanny mechanics’. We have seen it all.

That’s why it’s so important to strip back the emotion and loaded language around gynaecological issues and bring the conversation back to what your body needs medically. It probably won’t be ‘normal’ – because there’s no such thing.

Frances Green is a registered nurse and midwife with extensive prior experience as a postgraduate midwifery educator. Committed to helping women understand their extraordinary anatomy, education remains at the heart of her work with COGA’s specialist gynaecology team. coga.org.nz